Just Kill Me
by Hunter-Green
Summary: This is all about Sirius and his very topsy-turvy life. R&R please! Rating for language...
1. The Escape

Hey everyone! This fan fic will be about Sirius Black in year six. Him and James...ah the pranks they will pull...in dreamy state Snaps out of it ANYWAY...I hate it when people drone on and on in the beginning parts like this, I don't know why I'm doing it...ON WITH THE SHOW!!  
  
By the way, 'tis rated for language. And the only reason this is called Just Kill Me is because certain people are obsessed with saying that  
  
Disclaimer: I didn't make up the characters; however I did make up the plot. Don't sue, it's just not polite.  
  
"SIRIUS!! WAKE UP!! YOU are going to polish every single piece of the silver WITHOUT magic this morning, and if you don't like it, you will have no breakfast," Sirius's so called mother screamed at him.  
  
"Bitch,' Sirius muttered under his breath. He got up threw on some clothes. He looked in the mirror and looked at his hair. Oh God. It looked like road kill. Sirius ran a comb through his hair and went to the kitchen.  
  
The house of Black was incredible. It was filled with horrible old things that tried to strangle you if you were too nice, things that were stuck to the wall with charms. But the house was gigantic. To polish everything was suicide.  
  
He grabbed a handful of silverware and started on polishing. His anger built up as he plotted on ways to murder his mum without anyone noticing. Then, a brilliant idea popped into his head: Why stay? His birthday had been a couple of days ago. He was of age. WHY am I here?! "I should have been gone DAYS ago!" Sirius yelled.  
  
"What?" said his hag of a mother.  
  
"I'M SIXTEEN!! I can do whatever the hell I want to!! Goodbye MOTHER DEAREST!" The last two words were dripping in sarcasm. He ran upstairs and knocked his younger brother down as he raced to his room. "Hey! I'll get you for that!" His brother said.  
  
"I'm leaving, stupid, mum won't be able hit me!" Sirius yelled. He had reached his room. He threw everything in his trunk, laughing like he hadn't in years. As soon as he had everything together, he threw his trunk down the stairs. He looked down and realized it had landed on his mother.  
  
"Not sorry, mum!!" Sirius bellowed.  
  
"YOU DISGUST ME, YOU LITTLE COCKROACH!!" Mother Dearest screeched.  
  
Then Sirius did something he'd dreamed of all his life. He hexed his mother with every spell that came to mind. By the time he was done, she was on the ground, knocked out by the spells. She looked terrible.  
  
"So long ASSHOLES!!" Sirius yelled at his family.  
  
He kicked his trunk outside and Apparated to James's house. Sirius marched straight up to the door and rang the doorbell. A bleary eyed boy with jet black hair answered the door. He brightened considerably when he spotted Sirius. "Hi Sirius!"  
  
"JAMES I RAN AWAY!" Sirius yelled joyously.  
  
James looked dumbstruck for a moment, then found his voice and cried "SIRIUS! What happened?! Come on, get in here!"  
  
Sirius stepped in and looked around at the house which had been more a home to him than Hogwarts. It was a small house, but it was home. James's father looked over his Daily Prophet and said "Hello Sirius." His mother looked over and exclaimed "Oh! Sirius hello! We've missed you! Come on over and have a bite to eat!"  
  
Yeah, a bite to eat was ten pieces of bacon, two helpings of eggs and three biscuits. Sirius was starving though. He ate like there was no tomorrow. James kept shooting questioning looks at Sirius, but Sirius kicked him under the table. As soon as they were done, James dragged Sirius into him room.  
  
"Well?" he demanded. "What happened?! I want details."  
  
Sirius told James what had happened. The only time when James interrupted was when he told him of the hexing of his mother.  
  
"You hexed your own mother?" James asked, grinning devilishly.  
  
"Damn right. Old hag deserved it," Sirius said forcefully.  
  
"That is so awesome," was all James could manage. Then his face lightened. "Do you want to stay here for the rest of the summer?"  
  
"YES!! That's what I was hinting at the whole time!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Sweet. I'll let mum know." Sirius gave him a look. "I won't tell her anything about your family. I'll make something up, don't worry."  
  
James ran down to tell his parents a whopper of why Sirius was staying stay at their house for the rest of the summer. Sirius lay down on James's unbelievably comfortable bed. Only two weeks left of summer.  
  
James came back up with a huge grin plastered on his face. "They bought it!" He said happily.  
  
"What'd you tell them?" Sirius asked.  
  
"That your parents were in Wales and got lost."  
  
"WHAT?!?!"  
  
"I'm just kidding! I told them your parents went to France and wouldn't be back for a month."  
  
"Good, very good."  
  
How was that?!?! I love writing....please R&R my other fan fics too!! Especially HOGWARTS CHAINSAW MASSACRE....that ones really weird, but funny in a twisted way. Thanks for reading...please review... review now.....NOW.....-Hunter-Green 


	2. Fun with Flashbacks

Well, well...Sorry for the long delay, I've got writer's block. This is going to be hard to crank out...I love writing...thanks for the reviews even though they are few...I want more reviews people! I NEED this self esteem booster here...basically the reason I write is to get reviews, which is pretty sad, but whatever. On with the show!

Disclaimer: I didn't make any of the characters; however, the plot is mine. Don't sue, it's just not polite.

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Sirius and James walked down the halls of the bookshop. Everything there was a reminder of the OWLS they had had yesteryear. That was a depressing thought. They went through the list that was sent to them that morning, and went out to wander.

Suddenly, there was a sign directing them to Knockturn Alley. "There's an idea," thought James.

"You want to go down Knockturn Alley?" He asked Sirius with a devilish grin on his face.

Sirius looked round. He saw the sign and understood exactly what James was talking about. He returned the grin.

Just as they were starting along the alley, and feminine voice sounded behind them. "JAMES! SIRIUS!" They whirled around.

An impossibly pretty girl with dark red hair was right behind them. She had the look of a very exasperated mother on her face. "Well hello, Lily," James said quietly, while placing his hands on the girl's waist.

Lily pushed him off, and said "DO you have ANY idea what's IN there?!" through clenched teeth.

"Uh, yeah," said Sirius. "I used to go in there with my parents all the time."

Lily was about to say something else when she stopped, looked him up and down once (A/N who can resist Sirius?) and stared. "Your parents TOOK you in there?"

"Haven't you figured out," said Sirius, "that my parents are INSANE?"

"Oh...right." Lily turned back to James. "It doesn't matter. YOU shouldn't have gone in there at any rate," she said.

"Oh stop acting like my mother."

Lily turned white in the face and said "Fine!" and walked away in a huff.

James turned to Sirius and was about to say something when he stopped. He looked around Sirius, looking Knockturn Alley. "Is that your mum?" he asked.

Sirius turned around so fast his neck popped. There, standing next to what looked like a barrel of dead rats, was a dark haired woman who looked like she was run over several times. "Holy shi—" Sirius started.

"Sirius, come ON!" James was tugging on his collar. Sirius snapped out of it, and Apparated with James, home.

.......

"James! Sirius! Get up!" called James's mother from the kitchen. "You'll miss the train!"

"We're up!" James yelled from bed. That was one of his tricks. Yell loudly and strongly so your mom thinks you're up. Then go back to sleep.

"JAMES!!" She yelled. "Get up NOW!!"

Sirius woke from his stupor, and threw on some clothes. James was already dressed somehow.

They ran downstairs, inhaled the toast, and hurried to pack everything up before they were to leave. They threw themselves into the floo powder fire, and found themselves in the train station. They clambered on the train, and got in the first empty compartment they could find. They were both silent until:

"Did you always have that scar there, on your face, Sirius?" James asked.

Sirius looked in the glass of the window. There was a long, nasty looking, scar running from his eye to his chin. "Yeah," Sirius said quietly.

"Oh," whispered James. He didn't ask what had happened. And Sirius knew why....

FLASHBACK 

Sirius, as a very little boy, walked timidly up to his mother. "Is there—he yawned widely—anything else you want me to do?"

Sirius's mother, a young woman then, looked down on her son, and said: "You forgot to say master, yet again, spawn of mine," she said nastily. "You know the punishment for that."

Sirius knew the punishment all too well. He was to be cut, anywhere his mother saw fit. Lately, she had taken to cutting his arms.

"Because this has happened so many times, you get cut a special place tonight, boy. Come here." Sirius moved forward, reluctantly. His mother pulled out her wand, and blew on it. The end sharpened itself, and it became a blade. She held fast to Sirius, and pushed the blade into the skin a half inch below his eye. Sirius tried to stop the tears pouring from his eyes, and his scream, but they both were too strong for him. The scream sounded. His mother grinned evilly, and inserted the blade down his cheek, and to his chin.

"Clean yourself up, boy," she whispered, when she was done, and she closed the blade again.

END OF FLASHBACK 

Before they knew it, a trolley was pulled up to their compartment. "Anything off the trolley?" The witch pushing the cart asked.

They both pounced (after all, they were both RICH) and bought a little bit of everything. Soon after, they felt the train start to slow down.

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I'm SOOOOOO sorry for the delay, but I've got writer's block, as I said above. I'll try to update every....Monday? Monday. Perfect. DON'T FORGET: I LOVE REVIEWS!! I NEED SELF ESTEEM BOOSTER!! GIVE SELF ESTEEM BOOSTER!! REVIEW NOW!!


	3. What An Interesting Dinner

Ok everyone. By the way, do ANY of you remember that little button down there that says "submit review" on it? All you have to do is press it. Trust me it'll work

Sorry for not updating. I COMPLETELY FORGOT that I had this thing...

Disclaimer: I didn't make up any of the characters, but the plot is mine. Don't sue, it's just not polite.

ALINESPACETHINGTHATSHERETOSEPERATETHESTORYFROMMYRANDOMRAMLINGSBYEBYE!!

Everyone was herded into the Great Hall. About a hundred girls attempted to sit near or next to Sirius, but his friends saved him from that. James loved to tease him about this any time he could.

"Is every girl on to you or is it just me?" He asked.

"Shut up James," Sirius said, but he was grinning. The thought made him feel wanted.

Dumbledore stood. Everyone silenced.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts, happy to see you all here blah, blah, blah," Dumbledore said. "I'm sure everyone's starving, so here is your incredibly nice smelling food. Tuck in!"

Food appeared, and everyone started eating ravenously. There were mounds of mashed potatoes, bowls of salad, enormous plates full of roast chicken, and...floating candy canes...

In the midst of all the happily eating people, Lily came up behind James and pushed his face into his plate of mashed potatoes. He came back up, coughing and spitting on a girl sitting right across from him.

"WHAT THE FUCK JAMES?!" yelled the girl being spat on.

"Sorry Tara," he apologized, and then turned on Lily, who was laughing at him.

"LILY!"

"Ye—s?" Lily said in a sing song voice.

James, not being able to think of anything to call her, just glared at her, and spat at her feet.

"Ooooh, not very friendly are we?" teased Lily.

James, still pissed off, grabbed a bowl of salad and ground it in her face.

"Nope, not friendly," he retorted.

Lily was still trying to get salad dressing out of her eyes. Once she did, she took one look at James, and stalked off. James turned back around; unaware that Lily was only getting her ice cold pumpkin juice.

"MOTHERFU—" James cut himself off, because McGonagall was giving him a dirty look. Lily had just poured the contents of her ice cold juice down his shirt, and it was trickling down into his pants. He finally got up and whirled Lily around. He got all of the mashed potatoes still on his plate and rubbed her hair in it, and Lily screamed and pulled out her wand.

His legs shrank all the way down to a baby's would be. James pulled his wand out and hit Lily with a hex so hard that she slammed back against the wall with a curse that made her laugh uncontrollably.

Dumbledore rushed over and lifted both hexes. They both looked terrible. Detention for a week was awarded to both of them. They were to wash all the dishes that the house elves were usually supposed to do.

"HA HA!!" Sirius laughed as the teachers walked off.

Lily and James cuffed him upside the head.

"So—rry..." Sirius said unconvincingly.

James sat back down, and looked around. "Where's Moony?" He asked.

Sirius shrugged. "In the Shack, possibly?"

"Hey...James?" asked an uncertain voice beside him. It was Peter Pettigrew.

James almost groaned aloud. This was his peeve, his little scratch at the roof of his mouth that wouldn't heal. Peter was so ANNOYING! 'James, I don't get it.' 'James, you're so cool' 'Well, I didn't exactly do it, can you help me with it?'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

"YES, Peter?" James asked as nice as possible.

"Um, never mind," he said, seeing the look of agitation on his face.

ALINESPACETHINGTHATSHERETOSEPERATETHESTORYFROMMYRANDOMRAMLINGSBYEBYE!!

Ok, this isn't my best. I SWEAR IT WILL GET BETTER!! I'm all caught up in schoolwork, I'm sorry. This will get better. See you!!


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